Sunday, October 31, 2010

The Daily G - October 2010


Georgi Jose, 30, loves the good life : 8 layer 600 count luxury hotel beds, rooftop chill out sessions, quests to find the horizon, travelling empty handed and getting his wife to do the same. His grotesque views on life have disgusted his fans as much as creating the maximum number of hits. Considered by many as the first online hangover remedy, the blog , website and horrendous pictures assure the first 64 words will amuse, confuse or defuse you as the case may be.( Note : photo withheld at request of parents and wife)

Fortunately, Being Indian and being grounded in Bahrain , have allowed copyright infringements, laundering, piracy to be mixed into his otherwise boring life. Rejected by the underworld for being too organized and ostracized by the architecture fraternity for convincing clients that building buildings was ruining the environment and affecting their fertility, Georgi has procrastinated on his plans for global domination and is now learning to find contentment and content in his run-of-the-mill-boring-5000cr –dream company.

His latest book “armchair entrepreneurs”- written by hand and binded with rice paste may be the world’s first organic book but is being recalled due to widespread . misuse

Our source at toiletpaper.com has found that the first 1 million sale was swift as owned up by a leading toilet tissue paper distributor, who claimed, that since most books were unread and illegible, the paper could be quickly reused after final touches such as eraser editing by exploited child labour in Myanmar. ( Editor’s note - Our correspondent was brutally assaulted for exposing himself during this story. His vocabulary of 8 words and rare psycho dyslexic condition is under investigation)

Our 400 page interview which actually only had 5 questions is being published in parts :

An excerpt on “ G’s must-not-leave-home-without – lest-I-have-to-drive back-55 kms accessories ( that bear his fingerprints) “ are

B****berry – G has adopted a B****berry into this family.To appear busy, organized , geeky and give out the humanitarian image. The 6 months old relationship is still going strong and has not succumbed to the racial profiling- such as B****berry and the White B****berry campaign.

Pathan Phone – This latest version of the P-phone is a relic designed by georgi in collaboration with Formula 1 greats, such as Michael, rauf, messi – All whose tyres may have ran over the P=phone in its good old avatar as a sony ericsson at the Bahrain F1 track in 2008. The phone’s appearance , battery life, reception and all main facilities suck, but he believes t helps to get noticed.

House Keys – His fear of parents secretly leaving the country in his absence or changing their identities dawned on him in childhood. Hence the efferevescent need to have keys.

Credit Card – He has 4 friends at Citibank right from the asst Tea Boy to CTO. …..Chief Tea Organiser. They supply him with compromised cards, hence the need to appear flashy and sport a different name and look every time he steps out. His latest credit card named Nrayanan Dawood Anthony – is blocked.

His infra red weighing scale – Helps to scan for obese people in a room, so he can out with them in order to look thinner.

Wedding Ring – reminds him of his beautiful wedding day and all the happiness , love and money his wife gave up to be with him. Her book-Marria_G-e is a best seller with newly weds and divorce lawyers, who believes the 2 year wedding chronicles is a brilliant work of fiction. . The CIA has launched a covert operation to rescue her from the organized syndicate only known as the MALS.

SBI Club Card- His SBI – Sanity-Becho-Idhar privilege voucher allows him a free pizza after every 10 visits to his alma mater, Mukkolakkal sanitorium.

***As a bonus for all our (3) readers - This original merchandise is now available for sale at limited counters at the uber-exclusive TALIBAN(K) store outlets at Afghanistan, Yemen ,Iraq and Washington DC. First 2 purchases will receive free copies of the Jihad for dummies handbook.



Credits -

Author: Georgi Jose
Interviewer : Georgi jose ( The alter ego of georgi Jose)
Editor – G
Photography – G
Makeup – o shit – forgot…next time.


Please note: The term (penile)erection is often referred to as wood. In the interest of the environment, Would you want to cut your penis everytime you had to print. Save the environment- Don’ print this. In fact don’t’ even circulate it, unless requested by judiciary for evidence or by coronary for cause of death.

9 comments:

Sourabh said...

Hillarious G....keep blogging!!

mr. G said...

Thanks Mr. Avalone. A critique/ comment from people who can actually read is encouraging. Shukran Jazeelan-Shaikh!!! G

maria said...

Well..like u said this brings your readership upto 3..yayy!!
all i have to say is...
1.thanks for such an adventurous life that people can't believe it's true..
2.all hail the tea boy..he is the all knowing one in the corporate world..
3.psyco!!

Vicky said...

Hahaha, Good one G...

Jean said...

*FainT*!!!!!

but i like what i see... u should aspire to become the writer of the Oolampara newsletter..

mr. G said...

Jean - You fainted cuz possibly Joshua read the blog faster than you did. Btw the blog was not in braille - what do you mean you like what you see. Its sad u identified with the lens monkey and couldn't read nay further. O and about the oolampara newsletter, what can i say They are out of content since you left. u seem to have an outstanding bill of Rs. 16.60. Anywayz, glad joshua is growing up fast, so that he and I can can hang out and bitch about u. tons of luv, G

Jean said...

G- the bill was outstanding when ur alter ego left & suddenly appeared on ur blog!!!

LT (John Jyaada) said...

Super duper like. Good goin, G(od)!

Anonymous said...

G!!

Best piece of shit I've enjoyed in a long while!! ;)

Keep the nonsense coming....it lightens up our lives and gives us hope that there is someone nuttier than we!!! :P

kudos macha! ;)
Rani